An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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