My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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