There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
