Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
