she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
