I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
