Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
