AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
