so that wasnt chicken after all
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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