We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
