your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
