I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
