Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
