oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
