You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
