i just had sex bonerless
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
ok first of all what the fuck
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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