Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
