you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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