if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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