My first STD was from a foam party
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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