their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my being single is dangerous.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I didn't notice because vodka
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
