I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
