This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
