i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
