Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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