somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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