youre lurking in front of me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
