So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
