I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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