Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The air taste purple.
Randomize
