Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
