Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
