i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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