She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This house was built for laser tag.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
