why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
