i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
