so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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