So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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