im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
