She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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