I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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