I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
