He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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