I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
