youre lurking in front of me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You may now shotgun with the bride
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
