no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
