Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
