those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
