The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
