So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
