Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
