I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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