I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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