I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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