Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My vagina is officially offended.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
