thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I could make wine with my vomit
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My penis needs a shock collar
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
