this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
