I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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