It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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