Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
